OVER THE RED LINE ONE: PART 2
My years in the University followed the same pattern, female course mates I avoided like a plague.
My self-imposed isolation became a barrier to having a stable and intimate relationship with any woman, but deep inside, I had a burning desire I couldn’t explain.
I desired a woman that could make the difference, the one that could hold me spell bound, touch the depths of my heart and make the deepest parts of the ocean feel like a shallow pond, the one that would fan my burning desires and bring my inner most thoughts and feelings to life, the goddess that would evoke love from the grave yard of no affection which is my heart, the better half that would make the beauty of what I feel overwhelm rationality, logic and short sightedness of my eyes. Not because of her look, but for the beauty of what I feel in my heart, and that woman, is the One I won’t be able to say ‘why her’ or whenever I refer to her beauty, it won’t be because of her outward appearance but for the mysterious seduction with which she has gripped my soul.
Against my isolated way of life and sexual abstinence, women tend to appreciate my personality and disposition and do everything they can to get close and understand this mysterious being that is Uchenna. I believe the interest spans from my tactful expressions, intellectual reasoning and for some, my enduring integrity and credibility that guides most of my dealings with people. Of course, I am not the most handsome of men lest I make myself a human god.
A woman was I attracted to every now and then, accompanied by the lures of lunches and surprise giftings but I needed that One that would capture my heart and hold it in her grasp for eternity, never letting go, hold me spell bound in the depths of all that she is. I was lost and I needed to be set free by the passionate bliss of my Aphrodite. But alas, none of these women could free me from the clutches of my loneliness and bottled up desires.[VC1] Each relationship i prayed would end this jinx, instead of pleasure, came a crushing feeling with a ton of doubt. But I shunned sex for I refused to be tagged a user and judged by the words ‘’he used me’’. A woman’s body is sacred and hallowed and I vowed only to share the passions of sexual climax with the One I love deeply and passionately.
Presently I date Amaka, a beautiful woman I met at a friend’s birthday party. We got talking and phone numbers were exchanged, quickly followed by the short-lived excitement and activities of new relationships. I told her my hopes and dreams for that woman that would complete me. Could she be the one? She brushed off that which I hold dearly, and confidently declared that ours would be different and I believed her because I actually wanted this to work as I had begun to doubt myself and think that my inability to fall in love and find ‘the one’’ may be as a result of a curse placed on me by an unsuspecting deity or the hand that fate has dealt me or the passionate acquaintance I seek to forge with love only existed in my imagination, and may be, such blazing passion didn’t exist. As time passed, this relationship which I hoped would be the jinx breaker became nominal, without value and passion as I had hoped for.
Then, on a fateful day that will forever remain engraved in my heart, I was scaling through Twitter when I ran into the words:
“Never back away, chase that which you are afraid of, for there is fire in your bones. You are a trail blazer and a path finder”.
Those words sent shockwaves through me and I became eager to know the author of such passionate words. Behold! It was a woman! So, I decided to chat her up. I sent her a private message and she responded almost immediately. After the pleasantries, I asked if the words were hers, she responded in the affirmative.
We began a smooth and intelligent conversation and I got to know that she stays a considerable distance from me, in a different state but quite reachable. Our conversations became more consistent and quickly moved to personal issues. I learnt she was married, but at this point I didn’t care, something had changed in me.
In a matter of weeks, we began to derive invaluable pleasure from our chats. They became a daily fix and I looked forward to having a conversation with this woman every single day. Dawn became short and dusk too long, since we couldn’t chat each time she was home, because of her husband. I had to patiently wait for her to resume work each day before I could have her all to myself, howbeit on the phone. It didn’t matter to me, for every time we conversed, I felt her presence all around me. She enveloped me in the web of her words and intellectual versatility.
This new, strange and strong emotion that crept into my heart, could this be love? I continually asked myself. For the first time in over a decade, I felt alive! I had something to look forward to each day, my heart was bursting with these new emotions that I had only imagined. I knew there was something wonderful happening to me, us. Yes, I now had someone that I could join to myself and call “us” though she didn’t say initially, but I noticed she was caught in this web of emotions too.
She didn’t want to give me her number for fear of what my true intentions were. But she was hooked like me and she left clues on how I could get her digits. I so needed to put a voice to this being that had done what others couldn’t do, and one day it clicked! I got the clue and I got the number, Halleluyah!
I quickly added her on Whatsapp, our chats became more fluent, fluid and alive. I couldn’t hold back anymore, I started expressing my feelings at every opportunity I had to talk to her. She told me I was flirting and expressed how worried she was; however, she was rattled by my audacity.